Have you ever felt
The urge to escape?
Suddenly,
Fight or flight kicks in
And you don’t even know
What you’re running from?
Digging my car
Out of the snow
With an umbrella
And my bare hands-
It was like that.
Urgent.
I had to go,
Or implode.
Explode.
If I could have crawled out
Of my own skin,
I would have.
A walking skeleton
With veins and muscles hanging
A graphic, bloody mess,
To let what’s inside show.
Do you see me now?
Unkempt
And stumbling blind,
Eyes hanging
From their sockets.
When the world stops spinning,
I see only the floor.
Matted footprints
Show where I’ve been
Writing a map
To where I am.
Not that you’d want
To join me.
It’s messy here,
A jumbled ugliness.
An unfulfilled addiction,
A profound partial insanity
A chasm of unparalleled loss,
An endless emptiness.
Clawing my way
Back up the rabbit hole
Seeing all I missed
On the way down.
Breaking my fingernails,
And splintering bones,
Loosening muscles
And opening veins.
Hurrying a process
I can’t rush,
Terrified of bleeding out.
I understand.