*Trigger Warning: Abortion.
Murderer,
They called me.
Slut.
Dead fetuses on their signs,
I’m going to hell,
They said,
Reminiscent of Westboro Baptist Church.
There’s still time,
They said,
To save my baby.
I could be forgiven
If I made the right choice.
Jumping in front of the car,
Frantically waving pamphlets
Filled with misinformation
About fingernails
And heartbeats.
Some girls would take them,
Torture themselves.
I was too strong,
Too set in my decision
To consider their Christian propaganda,
To take their misappropriated truth
At face value.
I knew what they were doing.
Religious hypocrites
Are a dime a dozen.
The clinic is not a happy place-
Screaming protestors greet you,
Overworked staff
Do the best they can.
Blood tests,
And ultrasounds,
And a few Tylenol,
And they call you back.
You meet the doctor,
Already half-naked,
Lying on the table.
A nurse holds your hand,
The doctor talks you through
The intense pain
As they scrape out your insides.
You count the tiles on the ceiling,
Remember to breathe,
Try not to faint.
Music is playing.
Don’t break the nurse’s hand.
You’re done,
They say,
But you’re dizzy from the pain,
And they help you dress,
And plop you in a chair
In a room with the other women.
You try to acclimate yourself
To your surroundings.
You get water,
Sit for a minute,
And you’re out the door,
Bleeding and nauseated,
To again face the stares
Of the protestors.
They waste no words,
Have only a small vocabulary,
On repeat: over and over
There’s still time,
They say again,
To save your baby.
No there fucking isn’t
I scream back,
It’s too late.
And they stare,
Dumbstuck,
Picket signs in hand
Waiting for the next tortured woman
To accuse.
Slut, they’ll say,
Murderer.
Their signs
Aren’t worth more
Than your mind.
The fetus inside you
Doesn’t outweigh
Your importance.
They haven’t been
Where you stand
But 1 in 3 women have.
You are not a killer
You are not alone
You make the choice.
Hypocrites,
I say,
Bigots.
So many women have faced this decision and never speak about it. I am so proud of you for telling the world your story. Judgemental people need to keep their traps shut until they are walking in your shoes and fighting your demons. Until then, they have no idea what the right choice is for you or anyone else. This poem truly speaks to me. I am and always will be — 110% PRO-choice.
Thank you so much for your support. All I ever want to do with my writing is reach others who may be going through/have been through a similar situation. Love you < 3